Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Accentuate The Positive


























Change is in the air. Josh and I have decided to start chucking all our savings, after we fill in the rest our emergency fund, towards a house down-payment. We're about to set up our retirement account (yes, I know we're running late on that, and yes I have known since I was 19 that I should have been doing it all along). We finally got our annoying taxes figured out. And more over there is the feeling of inner change going on. Nothing concrete has happened yet, but I have been internally unhappy for sometime now. I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I know that I need to do something and I guess that's the first step. And while I have been struggling a lot lately trying to figure out what my tiny place is in this world, today for the first time I feel positive about change. Normally I fear it. Do all I can to avoid it. Now, sometimes it feels like things can't possibly change fast enough. So now I must exercise patience. Gas, break, gas, break. That's the way it goes I suppose. Anyway, I wanted to take note of my positive feelings. Yesterday was stressful, tomorrow might be stressful, but today I feel positive. And, just for reference I felt positive before I found out that our dermatologist was able to get us the new fancy antibiotics for free because we don't have insurance and it cost $500 a month. Yes, I said $500. And no, that's not for the two of us, it's per prescription. But that news does help.

So, to solve my biggest inner problem I believe I need to discover my passion. I've never found it and the older I get the more it weighs on me. I just need that one direction that I can happily move in. I'm not sure how to go about finding it. Anyone have any tips? How did you discover your talent? Have you ever felt like you were missing this part of yourself? I feel like I mean something to everyone but me. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee- all define my relationship to others. What do I mean to me? I just don't know. All that sounds like a downer again, but I'm still feeling up. Hoping that this constant barrage of worry and fretting is just the prelude to a breakthrough.

And, while that picture probably seems wholly unrelated to anything I've discussed, she sure looks happy and hopeful. Just what I aspire to be.

3 comments:

Laura said...

1)i am super jealous that you have a penguin mug...that one's definitely going onto my list of greed.
2)i looove the picture in this post. it's very 'modern day dorothy' ...the wizard of oz will always be a favorite.
3)i know just what you mean about finding your talent. i know that i am still very young & have lots of choices...but it still worries me! i'm getting ready to graduate & have no idea what i want to do next.

Cafe Johnsonia said...

I can't believe that you don't already know how talented you are!

love.boxes said...

Amen to what Lindsey said! And, I think that happiness is a courageous choice that if you choose it will return good things back to you. I have struggled with the same thing for years so I recommend.
Reading all of Alexandra Stoddard's books. Start with the book on marriage she just wrote.. Happiness for Two... you'll love it.
You already know about happy music!

And then try things. Local community classes and adult education. Try ballroom dancing, oil painting, yoga! or anything else.

And then keep in mind that you already are (I know this stuff and I'm almost a complete stanger)

A person with great style. A beautiful girl. A caring friend. A wonderful hostess. A fantastic blogger and a great cook!