Accentuate The Positive

Change is in the air. Josh and I have decided to start chucking all our savings, after we fill in the rest our emergency fund, towards a house down-payment. We're about to set up our retirement account (yes, I know we're running late on that, and yes I have known since I was 19 that I should have been doing it all along). We finally got our annoying taxes figured out. And more over there is the feeling of inner change going on. Nothing concrete has happened yet, but I have been internally unhappy for sometime now. I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I know that I need to do something and I guess that's the first step. And while I have been struggling a lot lately trying to figure out what my tiny place is in this world, today for the first time I feel positive about change. Normally I fear it. Do all I can to avoid it. Now, sometimes it feels like things can't possibly change fast enough. So now I must exercise patience. Gas, break, gas, break. That's the way it goes I suppose. Anyway, I wanted to take note of my positive feelings. Yesterday was stressful, tomorrow might be stressful, but today I feel positive. And, just for reference I felt positive before I found out that our dermatologist was able to get us the new fancy antibiotics for free because we don't have insurance and it cost $500 a month. Yes, I said $500. And no, that's not for the two of us, it's per prescription. But that news does help.

So, to solve my biggest inner problem I believe I need to discover my passion. I've never found it and the older I get the more it weighs on me. I just need that one direction that I can happily move in. I'm not sure how to go about finding it. Anyone have any tips? How did you discover your talent? Have you ever felt like you were missing this part of yourself? I feel like I mean something to everyone but me. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee- all define my relationship to others. What do I mean to me? I just don't know. All that sounds like a downer again, but I'm still feeling up. Hoping that this constant barrage of worry and fretting is just the prelude to a breakthrough.

And, while that picture probably seems wholly unrelated to anything I've discussed, she sure looks happy and hopeful. Just what I aspire to be.

Weekend Roundup

Friday:
-Sleep in
-Watch Mister Roger's Neighborhood and have coffee
-Work on computer
-Do dishes
-Listen to new vinyls
-Clean kitchen
-Have toast
-Clean bathroom counter
-Scrub bathtub
-Josh comes home
-Shower and get ready
-Head to Ocean Rock for dinner- Fat-tire battered halibut tacos are good, but hard to eat
-Head downtown and park
-Walk to McDavid Studio for concert
-Find seats with two nice gents, Randall and Jeff
-Make pleasant conversation and enjoy my beer
-Enjoy the UNT One O'Clock Lab Jazz Band's amazing performance
-Head home and download some more jazz- Sarah Vaughan singing lots of Gershwin, mmmm
-Hit the hay

Saturday:
-Wake up a little late
-Work on menu plan
-Warm up pancakes while Josh makes coffee
-Eat and finish up menu
-Get ready
-Head to Butler's antiques- bought an old shoe form, back-issue of Living, and a little something for a blog swap
-Over to Record Town for some more new vinyl and then next door to Dutch's for omg best burgers in town, bacon bleu cheese mmmmm
-Head home stuffed and work on grocery list
-Head to Guitar Center for new drum heads and Target for groceries
-Get home and unload cargo
-Settle into bedroom and go over financials while Josh and Matt work on music
-Eat jalapeno poppers and cheese sticks
-Watch French Kiss on TV
-Climb in bed and finish reading Bridget Jones's Diary, suspect enjoy book more since can imagine Colin Firth in every paragraph ;)
-Nighty-night

Sunday:
-Sleep in
-Have cereal, coffee and read some Newsweek
-Try and learn to drive stick, just practice reverse and first gear in our parking lot- so hard, leg hurts
-Shower
-Watch ancient Grace Kelly documentary dvr'd from PBS
-Call Steph for a nice chat
-Make nice refreshing tuna salad- olive-oil packed tuna, light mayo, little lemon juice, chopped green apple and sliced red grapes, shoved in a wheat pita with baby spring mix, mmmm
-Watch dvr'd episode of Oprah
-Try to start reading about photography, get distracted by Twister
-Watch entirety of Twister, while personally devastating rest of cookies n cream ice cream
-Read more of photography lessons online and watch House Hunters
-Oscar's
-Run to Sonic for some quick dinner
-Finish up Oscar's
-Climb in bed and start Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
-Finally fall asleep